The captain of a team says to the Umpire, “My players want to know if there is a penalty for thinking.” The Umpire says, “No.” The captain says, “Well we think you’re an asshole, then.”

Cutest proposal ever by a boy of 5th grade Boy- Do u hug ur teddy bear while sleeping at night?? Gal- Yes! Boy- Can I replace it for da rest of ur life?

JUDGE: WHY did U Shoot Ur Wife instead of shooting her LOVER? MAN: Ur Honour, it’s Easier 2 Shoot a WOMAN once, than SHOOTING a Man Every Month

Boy: From the day I m ur friend, I m not able to eat, drink or smoke. Girl: how sweet, so u r madly in LOVE with me..! Boy: SHUT UP..!!, U made my pocket empty.

Doctor implants New Ear 2 a man Man:U fraud,U gave me a woman’s ear Doc:It makes no difference Man: It does, Now I hear everything but understand nothing

A girl wearing very short skirt. A boy asks hr, “Won’t ur mom tell anythng abt ur dress?” Girl replied “My mom will b very angry.. bcoz I’m wearing her dress”

Man: Evry nite my wife goes 2 Tom’s bar & sleeps wth any1 who asks her. Doctor: Take a deep breath & calm down, and now tell me where is Tom’s BAR.

Kid gets Zero in a test. Father: What this? Kid: Teacher didn’t have More Stars 2 give, So She Started giving Moon…DAD

When I Was Studying in School Days My Teachers Were Wearing Sun Glasses. You Know Why? Because, . . . . . I Was a BRIGHT STUDENT.